Welcome. How have you been feeling lately?
Honestly, not great. I keep having this thought that I’m just not good enough, that I don’t deserve good things in life.
It sounds like you’ve been struggling with a sense of worth.
Could you share more about what brings these thoughts up?
It’s usually when I see other people doing well, achieving things I haven’t. I start thinking that maybe they deserve success, but I don’t.
That feeling of comparing yourself to others and coming up short is common.
But let’s explore something important: what evidence do you have that suggests you don’t deserve good things?
Well, I can’t point to any one thing. It’s more like a general feeling—like I haven’t accomplished enough in life.
That feeling sounds powerful, but it also sounds like it’s based on a belief you’ve internalized rather than on facts.
In CBT, we try to challenge these kinds of beliefs by asking: is this thought accurate?
I don’t know. It feels true, but I guess when I think about it, I’ve done some good things. I’ve helped people, and I work hard. But it’s never enough.
You’ve already started to challenge that belief by acknowledging the good things you’ve done.
Stoic philosophy can help us here as well. The Stoics often said that our worth is not determined by external achievements, but by how we live according to our values. Can you think of values you hold that guide your actions?
I try to be kind, I value honesty, and I work to improve myself. But it still feels like I’m falling short.
The Stoics believed that the only thing we truly control is how we respond to situations, not the outcomes themselves. Epictetus, for example, would remind us that external successes or failures don’t define us—they’re just things outside our control.
What you control is whether you live in alignment with your values, like kindness and honesty. How does this idea sit with you?
It’s interesting. I guess I do spend a lot of time focusing on things that are out of my control, like what others think of me or how successful I am compared to them.
Exactly. When we focus on what’s beyond our control, it’s easy to feel inadequate. But if you focus on whether you are living according to your values, you may find that the feeling of “not being enough” shifts.
Can you recall a recent moment where you acted with kindness or integrity?
Yeah, last week I helped a colleague with a big project. They were really stressed, and I stayed late to make sure it got done.
That’s a great example. So, from a Stoic and CBT perspective, you acted in alignment with your values of kindness and support.
Regardless of the outcome of the project, what does that say about your worth in that moment?
I guess it means I was doing what I believe in, which makes me feel better about myself. But it’s still hard to shake that voice in my head that says, “It’s not enough.”
That voice is part of the cognitive distortions we talk about in CBT. It’s called “all-or-nothing thinking” or “mental filtering”—only seeing the negative and discounting the positive.
What could you say to yourself next time that voice comes up?
Maybe something like, “I’m doing my best and that’s what matters,” or “I’m acting according to my values, and that’s enough.”
Exactly. And that’s a very Stoic response as well. Marcus Aurelius often reminded himself that living virtuously—living according to his values—was the only true measure of worth.
It’s not about being perfect or achieving external success.
I like that. It makes it feel like I have more control, instead of letting my mind spiral into self-criticism
That’s a key insight. So next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not enough,” try pausing and reminding yourself of what you can control—your actions and values. You can also ask, “Is this thought helpful or accurate?”
Just because a thought feels true doesn’t make it true.
I see. It’s more about challenging the thought and focusing on how I’m living, not what I’ve achieved.
Exactly. In this way, combining CBT and Stoicism can help you reframe those unhelpful thoughts and refocus on what truly matters: your effort, your values, and your inner worth.
Shall we set a goal to practice this in the coming week?
Yes, I’d like that. I’ll try to catch those thoughts and remind myself of my values and actions instead.
That sounds like a great plan.
Remember, progress takes time, but each step is valuable. You are worthy, and your efforts matter.
